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This is the seventh part of the article, if you haven’t read the first six, please click the links below:

What’s Your Identity? Part 1
What’s Your Identity? Part 2
What's Your Identity? Part 3
What's Your Identity? Part 4
What's Your Identity? Part 5
What's Your Identity? Part 6

This is the lowest dejection he has ever experienced. A place like this is the last thing in his mind. He’s amazed how life can turn upside down in a moment. He can’t even show his face to others. He always thought that his elevated place in life will never be shaken, but where is he now? Can he even proudly say what his job is?

Doing this job is like hell for him. Even though he’s not serious about his religion, the stigma in being with pigs, one of the unclean animals in their tradition, troubled his identity to its core. He’s zero.

It was sunset when he finally got home. He fell to his bed and don’t care if he stinks like garbage. He looked form some leftover food in his house but found nothing. He decided to sleep without filling his stomach, because he has nothing. He cried.

He needs to come early before sunset to feed the pigs. He got up early but grudgingly. He came with dreaded look in his face, he has to finish one week of work to get his salary.

In his first hour of work, he’s a complete mess already. The bad odor of pigs are now neutral to him because of the familiarization of the odor.

In the afternoon, he saw groups of men with his employer walking towards the pig pen. They are obviously buyers. He was so embarrassed to be seen so he concealed himself in the corner of the pen.

His employer are surprised not to find him there. “Hey! Where are you boy?” shouted by his employer.

Silence. Then the employer shouted again, “What are you doing? Do you want to be fired?”

The younger son gulped and slowly showed himself. His clothes were torn, his face was painted with shame and dirt. He can’t even raise his head.

A man in the group men recognized him, “You? Are you the rich kid in the town?” The other men scrutinized him. “Yeah, he’s that cocky boy!”

Shame covered his whole body. Tears began welling on his eyes which he struggled to hide. His status was degraded, his identity was wrecked.

The buyers bought two pigs from his employer. As the whole transaction was happening, he was just in dead silence, covering his face as he was sorting the pigs. Meanwhile, his stomach was crying for some food, but his employer was oblivious to his basic needs.

Afternoon came, he slept at the shade of a tree, but he’s awoken after half an hour because his hunger was now consuming his attention. He has no money, his employer dictated to him that he has no food allowance.

The more his stomach cried, the more he wants to try the meals of the pigs. He’s disgusted at the thought, but he proceeded, making sure that no person will see. He walked silently towards the pigs, making the animals stepped backward, he scoped some of the corncobs. He closed his eyes and loaded the corncobs into his mouth.

The taste was no good but it adds something to his stomach. As he swallowed the first portion, he also swallowed his pride.

He eats more and more but then his tears falls. How can he do this kind of thing? All his life, he has eaten the finest food available, now he eats dirt. In the past, he has the clothes that are worthy of boasting, now his clothes are not even worthy of showing. He was a former son, now he’s worse than a servant.

“In our home, our servants are eating three meals a day, and here I am stealing and eating this dirt. Even our sheep eats better than me now.”

“I’ve made a mistake. No, I’ve sinned. I disrespected my father in the worst possible way. I don’t deserved to be identified as his son. I’ll come home as a servant, a nothing. I just want food and lodging so I can exist with little identity than having this wretched existence.”

Then he stand, and walk towards home not knowing if he’s still have the energy for the days of travel. He doesn’t know what the meaning of repentance is, but he’s experiencing the healing power of it now. His heart was covered by the guilt of his wrongdoing and the need to acknowledge it and be touched by forgiveness.

Two days of non-stop walking almost drained his energy. But the feeling of repentance was still in his heart. He wants to come back home, to be in the place where he grew up, to the place where he knew the truth and warmth of love. He already accepted that he will never be called a son again, but it is okay, at least he can be with his father and brother even they will not look at him with love again. In his heart, he still wants to be in his home even without the acknowledgement that he’s part of the family.

The places grew more and more familiar. He knew that few hours from now he will be seeing his home from a distance. “Just a few hundred steps more…” As his feet was moving, his mouth was also reciting the speech he has prepared.

His heart starts pounding as he saw the last road that will lead him to his home. He was terribly exhausted, but still found some power to keep moving forward.

Finally, he saw his beloved place. The home where he belongs. He commanded his feet to move still, but he can’t. He lost all his energy from the days of travel. He even a hard time keeping his eyes awake, but the thought of losing his consciousness or even dying miles from his home gave him joy. Tears falls down from his face. He smiled.

“I’m here, my beloved Father.”

What's Your Identity? Last Part


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